Must Bathe the Rats

About this time last year, I was about to start a new position.  With a sigh of relief, I removed myself from job posting emails, and deleted the classic search sites from my desktop.  Job searches are like spring closet cleaning, you start off excited about the prospect of change and new discoveries and you end up sitting on the floor, head in your hands, thinking, "Well, this is a pile of shit.  What was I thinking?!"  Much like the cleaning, you entered into this project because you needed a change and you knew if you put in the time and effort, you would get the results you wanted.  Right?  (Take a brief pause and go look in your closet.  Is it full of new beginnings?  If not, you should probably put your closet on your to-do list).

Job descriptions start off with the best parts of the job.  You feel challenged, engaged, and excited about the job requirements.  Then, if you are anything like me, you skip to the end and make sure you meet the qualifications.  Somewhere in the lower half of the middle of the description is what I like to call the "Bathe the Rats" section.  Wily employers know to bury the undesirable responsibilities of the job in the section of the description most people will skim over.  Or, if the responsibilities are REALLY heinous, they will be cleverly lumped into the ever-present "Other Duties as Assigned" category.  

In my quest for employment, I have stumbled across some of the most unappealing job duties you can imagine, and remember I wasn' t looking for careers in Waste Reclamation.  Some of my favorites include:

-Comfortable interacting with insects and tarantulas
-Upkeep vacuums
-Heavy manual labor
-Skilled in puppetry
-Matrices (of any kind)
-Substantial business acumen
-Comfort in all environments, including extreme weather, abandoned buildings, and underneath bridges
-Must be willing to live on cemetery property
-Conducting regular urinalysis and breathalyzer tests

Needless to say, my current position does not require any of the job duties listed above.  I draw the line at toilets, farm implements, and rats.  And, if you're looking for spreadsheets, I'm not your girl!