Some of us, when we see someone careening towards the edge of a cliff, can't stop ourselves from getting involved. We drop the 20 packages we are carrying, race towards the car, and say, "STOP STOP! You'll go right over the side if you keep going that direction! You need to take a left." Next thing we know, the occupant has hopped into our passenger seat and we are driving him to California, paying for gas, lodging, and food along the way. Did I mention that we were headed to Boston?
Giving of yourself is a wonderful thing. Ideally, you make a difference for someone else and you feel good about yourself. Giving too much of yourself is a terrible thing. You begin to resent what you are doing, who you are doing it for, and find yourself ready to forget the whole damn thing. Revisiting those 20 packages, you envision yourself dropping your arms to your side, letting them fall to the ground, hearing the "Fragile" items break, seeing the "This End Up" packages turn on their sides, and with complete satisfaction, screaming "%*@# THIS" as you stomp on the packages and storm off. A satisfying image, isn't it? Well, until you realize that the packages are your career, your marriage, your dog/cat/guinea pig, your student loan, your Fantasy team, your best friend, your kids, your annoying coworker, and that ridiculously overpriced platter from the P Barn that you just bought off your distant cousin's wedding registry. Trust me, no one likes someone who swears at a cute, fuzzy G-pig.
Ok, so we shouldn't overextend ourselves. Got it. So, where should we give our time? Our talents? Our money? This is where the fear enters into the joy of giving. Everyone you know has a cause. Everyone you know has kids/grandkids/neighbors/relatives who are selling something to raise money for something so they can go somewhere, do something, get something, or make a change. The causes usually all have merit and will bring great benefit to the recipient. If someone asked you to buy butterbraids to help purchase poison to "handle" the local prairie dog population or help canvas neighborhoods to raise awareness about the lack of real diamonds in the bedazzled cheerleading outfits in the area high school, it wouldn't be hard to say no. But- no one is asking you for those things, right? (Right?!)
Any good fundraiser will tell you that people donate money as much for the cause as for the story; the relationship they have with the person doing the ask, the person for whom the cause is personal. We all have limited resources, especially time and money. What do you do when you can only support a few causes, but you have so many friends, coworkers and neighbors? What happens when multiple people are vying for your support, for cookies/popcorn/wreaths/wrapping paper? Some people employ the "I will buy a little from everyone" strategy, some people employ the "I won't buy any from anyone" strategy, and some people employ the "I will avoid everyone I know with children" strategy. Avoiding fundraisers which center around food can be easy with a simple, "No cookies for me! Watching my sugar.". Try using that line when it comes to wrapping paper..."Uh, we don't wrap gifts at my house. We just put them right out in the open."
Guilt. In some cases it comes from the fundraiser or charity, and in some cases it comes from ourselves. Many of us don't want to have to rank charities, or prioritize our causes. To say to ourselves or someone else, "I really care about animal abuse and pancreatic cancer so I want to help agencies who work with those populations, but I don't know anyone with a developmental disability or who has been a victim of violent crime so I don't want to donate my dollars to those causes" is difficult, but it is true. We all have the freedom to help where we can and are able, and helping one cause, or 100, does not mean that you don't care about the other thousands of causes out there. This is where it can get difficult with friends and family. Donating to one person's cause may make you feel that you have to donate to everybody's cause. This gets stressful, prohibitive, and can make you want to avoid charitable giving all together. If I can't donate to everyone, I'm not donating to anyone.
So, what prompted today's post? I am constantly asking people for donations- money, shoes, school supplies, volunteer hours, pop tops, clothing, medical supplies. I will take on just about any cause if I believe in it, if I think I can help, and if I think that I can raise awareness. It can be exhausting, not just for me, but for my friends, family, coworkers, local businesses, and others who are frequently asked for donations. Saying no is hard, and saying no to a good cause is even harder, but we each have a limited amount of "YES" to give. Give it when it matters most to you. And for the other "frequent fundraisers" out there, let's accept the "No" and the no answers with as much grace and gratitude as we accept the "Yes". This month's no may be next month's yes.
