Peppers and Policies

My mom, sister, and I are all well-traveled, very well-traveled.  My mom, so much so, that when she waltzes through security in the Quad City International Airport, mere moments before boarding, the TSA agents say, "Hey Linda! Running ahead of schedule?"  Given our airport know-how, all three of us are the perfect TSA-compliant passengers.  We have our ID and our boarding pass together, we had our shoes off before we ever got to the airport, belts/bling/and bulky hoodies have been removed, and we are holding our liquids in perfect 3-1-1 style.  It is also important to note that all three of us are budget conscience and there is no way we are paying to check our bags.  When it comes to our carry-on luggage, in true RuPaul fashion, "You better work it, girl!"

With all this in mind, you know that we all take great caution in shopping while traveling.  If it doesn't fit in the 1 quart bag, and it can't consumed before security, it isn't coming home with us- that's our motto.  Mom was in town for Mother's Day, and at the farmer's market she fell in love with some jalapeno relish.  There was no stopping her, throwing caution and the TSA guidelines to the wind, she bought it.  We all looked at the jar and said, "We'll get it down to three ounces, no problem!"  As of 4:30 p.m. today, there were several ounces left in the jar and we were creatively brainstorming the 3 oz. packaging which would fit in the handy Ziploc. 

I had some brand new toiletry bottles, so we decided to stuff the peppers and juice into the "shampoo" bottle.  Six peppers into the project, my sister Jen says, "Peppers aren't liquid!  Just take the peppers, and leave the juice."  This was a brilliant epiphany- now known as Jenni's Pepper Epiphany of 2011.  Great plan, except now, we had to pull said jalapenos from the narrow-mouthed bottle.  Thank heaven for fondue forks.  With the peppers safely and roomily ensconced in a Tupperware, and a confident, "Good thing I don't have to declare my peppers", we were ready for the airport.

En route, there were many pepper jokes and discussion of Backup Plan A and B if the peppers were questioned (not the actual peppers, they're to shy to talk to a TSA official).  We debated whether Mom would eat all the peppers rather than have them confiscated (Mom takes her pickled veggies seriously).  Before leaving Mom at the gate, she left us with this seed of wisdom- "This is the Denver airport.  You can't tell me that there's an airport employee who didn't eat peppers at some point today, with at least one meal.  They'll understand."

Mom made it safely onto the plane, WITH her peppers.