A Shot That Only A Farm Animal Could Love

It's the end of May, the weather is warming up, people are wearing jeggings in public, OBVIOUSLY it is time for me to get a head cold.  When you are sick, people love to offer you advice.  Sometimes, it is a helpful tip like, "get the Kleenex with aloe", sometimes it is a more subtle tip like handing you a cough drop.  Then there are the bold and unashamed who just spray you from head to toe with Lysol and run screaming from the room.  (You can't help but laugh at this last group, once you are able to suck in oxygen again).  Today's helpful tip was...a shot of wheatgrass.  He had me at shot.  It is rare that I meet a shot that I don't like.  I shouldn't have stopped listening after shot, or I would have heard "WHEATGRASS". 

I walked into my local Jamba Juice with my game face on.  I would suck down this nutrient rich shot of nature and then get on with the business of a Razzmatazz Caribbean Dream Peachtastic Summer Harvest Smoothie of Goodness.  I ordered the shot.  (Fun Bonus Fact about Wheatgrass: a single shot has 5 calories, and a double shot has 15 calories.  Maybe this is some sort of health fanatic math)  I should have known something was up when the lovely lady behind the counter asked if I would like an orange slice as a compliment to the shot.  What she was really saying was, YOU NEED A CHASER, because you do not want to walk around with this flavor of funk in your mouth. 

I enthusiastically agreed to the chaser, and at this point I started paying attention to the shot-making process.  Have you ever seen those specialty "potty patches" that are advertised in magazines like Sky Mall?  These fabulous grass squares give your dog the sensation of being outdoors, but let them relieve themselves, INSIDE YOUR HOME.  Apparently it is ok, because they feel like they are outside and won't be confused into believing that they are going to the bathroom inside.  Maybe this works for the dog, but I can guarantee that the smell won't give me the sensation that they are outside.  Anyways, there is a square patch of grass growing in the store.  Grass is plucked from the patch, put through some sort of scary meat grinder and then put into a tiny teapot with questionable liquid.  The shot is artfully arranged on a small plastic plate with a bamboo design.  This is the last positive thought you are going to have about the shot. 

In the summer, grass grows quickly.  Thus, people are constantly mowing their yards and the scent of fresh cut grass permeates the air.  Have you ever thought that the smell was so strong you could almost taste it?  Well now you can!  A shot of wheatgrass tastes exactly how grass smells, with a finish that can only be described as milky-textured-sort-of-sweet ickiness.  I'm pretty sure I had that orange wedge in my mouth before my brain even released the "Code 5-Tastebud Threat Level Red-Oh-Dear-Lord-Warning".

I feel healthier already.